sometimes, i have these moments where i’m just bitter about what you did, and this sadness and hatred overcomes me. i’m angry at the months i cried over you, and the hurt that you embedded into me. i’m angry that you could just get up and leave so easily, without giving me at least a second to react. and i’m frustrated at how you can laugh it off, and come to me like nothing happened. you play these games with me, and i’m not willing to be a part of it. and yet, you always somehow end up crawling back into my life, and drag me down.
and then, i remember the good times we had together. how you made me smile, laugh, and just enjoy life as it is. how you held my hand when i was cold, and kissed me when i was sad. you made sure i was okay, and made me smile with your stupid stories when i cried. you knew what i liked, you knew what i hated. you noticed the small things about me. you made me feel loved. totally loved and safe.
yeah, i wish i never met you, but i’m glad i did, because for the first time, i think i felt love. as cliche as it sounds. and i’m glad that i’m able to feel that emotion, and i’m happy to feel that sadness. because then that means it meant something, right? that you meant something to me. but fuck you for making me feel this way. but thanks for showing me a good time.
How to find textbooks online for free: a post.
Textbooks are fucking expensive, and if your professor doesn’t require a physical copy (most don’t - they just want you to have the book at hand. Or maybe even not. Some professors literally give no fucks about whether you have the book or not) and you don’t mind having your copy as an electronic copy - this is the post for you!
Most textbook companies put out new editions every year or so even though there isn’t really that much new information. Sometimes they’ll eliminate questions if it’s something like a math or chemistry book or they’ll add in a few sentences about updated legislation (the professor I work for teaches human sexuality, and the newest edition of the book she uses included the 2009 decision to allow same-sex couples have hospital visitation rights). These new editions are pointless and only created to make the textbook company money and to cut down on students selling to each other. You’re going to ignore that. We love older editions. Make sure when you’re searching on the following sites that you don’t include the edition number to give you more search results. If one with your edition comes up - great! If not, you can usually stick to something one to three editions behind without any major changes.
Sites you should be searching:
- FilesTube - FilesTube searches THE ENTIRE INTERNET for files uploaded to file-sharing websites such as MegaUpload, Mediafire, or WuUpload. Sometimes people will upload pdf files of your textbook. This is always an important first search.
- Google Books - You usually won’t find your textbook on Google Books, but it’s always worth a look. Sometimes pages are missing because it’s only a preview of the book, but again - always worth a look.
- Scribd - People upload documents to Scribd and by becoming a member (free!) or connecting through Facebook (if you’re lazy!), you can download whatever files you may find. This sometimes includes textbooks.
- BookBoon - website specifically for finding pdf versions of textbooks
- Curriki - free open source materials
- Flat World Knowledge - free business, humanities, and science textbooks
- California Learning Resource Network
- Open Culture
- Community College Consortium for Open Educational Resources
- TorrentScan - textbooks are also uploaded to torrent sites in some cases - you may as well check.
- If push comes to shove, you can try variations of googling “textbook name torrent” or “textbook name download” or “textbook name download free.” Sometimes things pop up and I never would have known about them.
- LibraryPirate is a torrent search site specifically for textbooks. (Added 10 October 2011)
- AMAZING Reddit post (Added 2 November 2011)
- JenkThat - I haven’t tried this out yet, but I’ve heard good things from others. It’s also a good place to find other ebooks that aren’t textbooks. (Added 29 December 2011)
I’ve found all 8 of my textbooks for this term (19 credit hours, six classes) through one of the methods above. I’m not even going to look at retail prices, but checking BigWords.com (which, if you want to buy your books/can’t find them anywhere with one of the previous methods, will give you the cheapest price on the internet), I saved $497.87 by doing this. It takes time, but it’s definitely worth almost $500 worth of time. If you know of more ways to find free textbooks - please let me know!
i’m going to put some distance between us right now
Because no matter how hard I try to get closer to you, you don’t seem to want it. So let’s try some reverse psychology, shall we? How about I ignore you, and not come near you as often, and let’s see what happens.
I mean, it somehow worked this morning. I didn’t come near you, or even touch you. But you decided to scoot closer to me. You decided to take my hand into yours. And what was that after practice today? I was able to walk pass you without making any eye contact. I was able to just breeze by you. But as I was walking back to my car, you decide to sneak up behind me, and tickle me (which didn’t work) and proceeded to hold my hand again. And then you asked me if you can join me in my car. And you totally hinted that you wanted to kiss me. But I was going to give in first. So we ended not kissing. Fine by me.
But what the actual fuck.
So I have to distance myself from you, to get attention from you? Ohkay. You want to play that game, I can play it. I’m good at it.
I don’t know why I’m so depressed today. Or just down in the dumps. I’m going ot blame my hormones, but I don’t that’s it.
Oh well. I guess the best thing to do is distract myself from everything by doing homework.
13 SEPTEMBER 2011
Let me explain what happened last night, which was a Monday.
Basically, Taylor took me home. I think it’s really cute when he asks me if I need a ride. Haha. I love it when he reaches for my hands first in the car. I never take his. But he’ll touch my hand softly, until I give him the “ohkay” for him us to intertwine our fingers. And then I’ll just stroke him hand really tenderly, and Taylor would do the same with his thumb.
Anyways, as we approached my house, my mom parked in the place where he usually parks, so he just put his car in PARK as close to the curb as he could. He couldn’t really stop. I was in a weird mood, and wanted to play around with Taylor. He asked for a kiss, and I smiled at him, and refused it. It was so funny, because Taylor kept saying, “NO. You WILL kiss me before you go. You WILL kiss me.”
So when I leaned in close, he thought I was going to kiss his lips, but I kissed his forehead instead. He had this look of “oh my gosh really?” and “ha, you kissed me” expression on his face. But he still wasn’t satisfied, and kept trying to get me to kiss him. I got out of the car, and he looked through the window, and I leaned towards the window, and kissed it. Just in spite of him. I’ll kiss the car, but not him.
Eventually, he said, “That’s it. You WILL kiss me, even if I have to get out of the car to get you.” So I challenged him to do it, and he actually did. But as he was circling his car, I quickly opened the door, and got in the car to avoid him again. He was getting a tad frustrated, and said that he had to get home soon. I felt kind of bad, because I don’t like him driving too late, and getting him home late. So I grabbed his face in my hands, and kissed him.
It was rather cute. He looked satisfied and happy then. Hahaha. And before he left again, I opened the car door, and kissed him one more time. That kiss lasted a bit longer. But it was just really soft and tender and really really sweet and o gosh. I want to kiss him again right now. UGH.
Taylor is the cutest thing ever when he wants to be. He even texted me later on, “it was worth it.” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.